Uncle Sam Claims Women Can’t Handle Weed

Marijuana can get women more stoned than their male counterparts, according to the latest research funded by the National Institute on Drug Abuse. The study, which was published in the journal Drug and Alcohol Dependence, finds that the estrogen levels displayed in the female persuasion makes them more sensitive to the effects of cannabis, specifically the herb’s psychoactive compound THC.

Researchers from Washington State University, the academic force commissioned to conduct this federal cannabis exploration, discovered that females were no less than 30 percent more susceptible to the pain-relieving qualities of marijuana than men. These results, of course, have pot-hating federal officials concerned that stoner chicks all across America are more prone to having a bad trip, including high anxiety, panic attacks and paranoia.

“Marijuana is very different than it was 40 years ago,” Professor and lead researcher Rebecca Craft said in a press release. “It’s much higher in THC (delta 9-tetrahydrocannabinol) and lower in cannabidiol, so a little bit goes a long way.”

“We’re more likely to see negative side effects today like anxiety, confusion, panic attacks, hallucinations or extreme paranoia,” she added. “And women are at higher risk.”

However, we subscribe to more of a glass is half full type of philosophy. After all, if there is any substance at all to back this research, then it only makes sense that women are more sensitive to the medicinal properties of marijuana, as well. In fact, we are going to go out on a limb and say that this phenomenon is not representative of some bizarre freak of nature, but it is present by design.

It is no secret by now that cannabinoids found in marijuana are also present in breast milk, which the last time we checked was something that only the female body was able to produce. Perhaps, and this is purely speculation, but there is a distinct possibility that women are more sensitive to the effects of marijuana because their bodies are already built, programmed by the universe, if you will, to produce more of these compounds because that is how the Gods of the Big Bang intended it.

Of course, women are more sensitive to the pain-relieving qualities of marijuana — they are the ones who must endure child labor, and long before there was ever such a thing as a pharmaceutical company, a drug store, or even a doctor, there was cannabis — healing the sick and easing the pain of the people.

Yet, federal researchers are concerned that this natural occurrence could somehow become a detriment to the female pot smoking population because it might increase their risk for addiction, which is bullshit considering that Uncle Sam still allows women to drink booze, smoke cigarettes, pop painkillers and benzodiazepine.

With marijuana having only a 9 percent addiction rate, according to the latest data from NIDA, there is no denying that weed women are still less susceptible to addiction, overall.