The HIGH TIMES weekly astrological forecast, complete with strain recommendations!
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Aries
“She makes the sound, the sound the sea makes to calm me down” – Alt J
You are now the soother again; the pair of warm arms that take in sufferers, the soft words that touch pained, bloody ears, the holder of space. You’ve been here before but you over extended your soul. You stretched your spirit into unnatural contortions trying to encompass the miserable, shielding them from the harsh world until your spine popped out of place. After months of recovery, you are faced again with the lovable needy. Will you become the all-enveloping Plasticine figure again or can you find another way to help the walking wounded from afar? Maybe you can help most by not helping anymore. Strain recommendation: Granddaddy Purple
Taurus
“Come on…you think you drive me crazy. You and whose army?…Come on, if you think you can take us on” – Radiohead
Someone’s tempting you, egging you on, luring you into a fight. They know exactly what they are doing and so do you. Man oh man, would it feel good to go wild and abandon civility entirely! Leap across the boardroom table. Block the exit. Throw down the gloves. No more bullshit, just two animals battling it out; there’s a nobility about it, and a beastliness; grace and base. While it would be highly satisfying to go for the neck, you have to think about the consequences, no so much for you, but for your opponent. Do you really hate them enough to ruin their week? If not, save them from themselves and go high. Strain recommendation: Hindu Kush
Gemini
“The answers you seek will never be found at home” – Bronski Beat
It’s safe and warm and comfy. The crusts are cut off your sandwiches and bedtime stories come after bath time. But wait, can you can hear your name on the night wind? They are waiting for you, they want you to come and play. You know a good game. You throw open the window and see the little boat waiting for you. The monsters aboard are welcoming you on an adventure. In your wolf onesie, you step on deck. The moon lights your path and you are off! It is scary sometimes, you miss home sometimes, it’s lonely sometimes; but it must be done. Strain recommendation: Sunset Sherbet
Cancer
“It’s time that we began to laugh and cry and cry and laugh about it all again.” – Leonard Cohen
That beautiful in-between moment when your body takes over and you are bubbling with emotional overload, unable to willfully control yourself, has arrived. You are at the mercy of the little animal inside you. The release is breathtaking, literally, and you are left no option but to gasp while your torso shakes in spasms. It’s so needed. Let it all hang out; the slobbery glory, the wonderful mess, the great release. Remember, almost anything can become funny given enough time. Strain recommendation: Durban Poison
Leo
“You spoiled the best years of your life. You took them all in vain” – The Eurythmics
You are at a crossroads. This one decision may massively affect your future. The cosmos are challenging you now; not to select the correct option, but to learn that if you own the choices you make, the regrets will be fewer than if you allow your life to be led by someone else, or even worse, by fear or irreverent carelessness. You can’t walk down both roads at the same time. No one can walk the other road for you. There is no cheat code. This is it. Now. Take your pick, even if it is wrong. Strain recommendation: Black Window
Virgo
“Live those dreams, scheme those schemes” – Frankie Goes to Hollywood
Heading to Vegas? Roll the dice and bet on you becoming a star, and while the croupier is ogling your blond accomplice, swap out the dice for a loaded pair. Take no real chances now, this is the big leagues. You can’t risk failure this week, or it’ll be back to small town Kansas with you, and your little dog too. Do whatcha gotta do kid, the only person lookin’ out for you is you. Insert more stock expressions here to convey that when you are doing your thing, you better have a plan B at the ready, even if it means not always being completely honest. But that’s just for this week, don’t get sneaky on a permanent basis. Strain recommendation: Jet Fuel
Libra
“The earth died screaming while I lay dreaming” – Tom Waits
The world is crumbling around me, and I am watching TV. Do I feel guilty? Sure. Will I turn it off? No. I have bargained on a certain amount of guilt being a constant din in my ear. In exchange, I enjoy being sloth-like. I know it is ugly of me to do so, yet I continue. How many truths are you ignoring in your life, and what have you sacrificed to remain shielded from them? Does a flood need to carry away my monitor before I look up from it? Must a polar bear search for ice in my living room before I drop the remote? What needs to happen to you before you honestly look at your life? Strain recommendation: Stardawg
Scorpio
“No you’re never gonna get it, never gonna get it, no, not this time” – En Vogue
I know you want it, so bad, but it’s just not going to happen. No amount of bargaining, reasoning, pleading or fits of rage will change the situation. It’s not meant to be. “Ah, but are we all just subjects of fate?” you ask. No, but some things are caught in a stream of energy that is unchangeable; it has a mind of its own, and you can’t affect it. I’m sorry, I really am. I know you’ve had a lot of loss lately, and you really need this win. You deserve it. Well, as much as anybody deserves anything in life I guess. But it’s just not working out for you this time. Give it up. Save your energy and check the strain I recommend cause it will make you forget all about it, and put a smile on your face while doing so. Strain recommendation: Grape Calyx
Sagittarius
“I want to see you dance again because I’m still in love with you” – Neil Young
If you listen carefully, this line can be heard being whispered to you by the Universe. It loves you deeply and wants only to see you celebrate life this week. It sees your adorable heart and wants to give it a surprise party. It’s patting your head like you’re a good lil’ pup deserving kudos for a job well done. Give the Universe the pleasure of seeing you dance with abandon. Let it finally revel in the joy you spread when you allow yourself some happiness. Strain recommendation: Swazi Gold
Capricorn
“You turn a bright spark into a flame” – WHAM!
Who knew “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” would be so prescient? But it’s true; you have all the cosmic energy you need to make things happen this week! Unfortunately your temporary lack of interesting projects is stymieing your progress. Your to-do list doesn’t deserve this dynamic power at your disposal. If you don’t find a worthy venture upon which to direct your energy soon, you will end up with MasterChef-level brown bag lunches and your dog will be running a massive indoor obstacle course made out of popsicle sticks. Figure out your passion and shine the full force of your light upon it. Strain recommendation: Ninja Fruit
Aquarius
“Splayed out on a bath mat…he just wants his life back” – Andrew Bird
How dramatic! You might not be at this point just yet, but you are heading in that direction. Avoiding the conversations you need to have with yourself is getting old. You may be young at heart, but the years are piling on; they won’t wait as you hum and haw. Instead of sitting comfortably on the fence, take a strong position on your own shirking techniques and stand by your life choices. Give your self a wee talking to if you must. Strain recommendation: Charlotte’s Web
Pisces
“Back to my home, I dare not go” – Raffi
There are many reasons to not go home; to dodge someone who is there, to continue the journey you are on, or as Raffi sang, because your mother may ask if you’ve ever seen a goose kissing a moose. I posit that you are avoiding home due to a fear that once you step inside it, you won’t leave again until spring. With the darkening skies comes the season of the couch potato, but you have too much verve stored up from a slightly unproductive summer that still needs releasing. Do what you can to ensure an active winter—physically, mentally, spiritually—or you will be one grumpy ass bear come January. Strain recommendation: Dutch Treat
