Are you a beginner when it comes to smoking weed? Probably not. Do you have a friend who doesn’t really order the Devil’s Lettuce for the evening entree? Probably so.
Well don’t worry, we’ve all been there. That’s why we’re sharing these five tips for marijuana newbies on how to blend in with habitual smokers. Send this to your first-timer friend or prepare yourself before the next smoke session with your stoner buds.
1.Chill Fam, Just Chill
When your friends invite you over for dank weed and memes, do one thing. Play. It. Cool. The last thing you want to do is be annoying. Yes, smoking ganja with your friends makes you cool, but don’t do anything to blow your cover.
2. Don’t Be a Show-Off
Here it comes. Yes, I’m talking about the bowl. The scepter. The moment of truth. This is the part where you don’t need to be a dumbass. Just do as you have done before. Light it up, take a hit and pass it on. If you take a huge hit or multiple hits, you run the risk of having your entire body melt into the couch you are presently sitting on. Maybe you can handle being a badass, but anything great comes with consequences—so be aware.
Side effects of trying to be a show off:
• Loss of vision due to squinty eyes
• A giggle attack
• Coughing like you have tuberculoses
• Being a weed weasel, by abusing your friend’s generosity
3. Be the Hero You Know You Can Be
Your friends are obviously awesome since they decided to smoke you out, but if you didn’t bring anything to this party you’ll suffer anxiety of possibly being the dick who didn’t even bring water. They aren’t expecting you to turn water into wine, although that would be really cool. They want you to reach into your mystery bag to save the day. They were nice enough to make you happy so now it’s time for you to return the favor by being the hero when the munchies kick in. So just remember not all heroes wear capes. Some wear backpacks full of sweet, sour and salty snacks to pass around the circle. This will almost make them forget you were holding the bowl the wrong way.
4. Channel Your Inner Boy Scout
Always be prepared. Always. If you’re smoking with a group of people that you don’t know too well, then it is your time to fucking shine. Always have a few tricks up your sleeve. These tricks don’t have to be swallowing swords or pulling a rabbit out of your ass. Keep it simple. Have a playlist ready to go before you head over to your friend’s house. Keep it mellow, but don’t make it obnoxious. Have funny YouTube suggestions, because sometimes the weirder the better. (“Going to the Store” is one of my favorites.) If y’all are looking for a funny TV show to watch, have a recommendation ready, such as “Bob’s Burgers” or “Adventure Time.” Of course, don’t be annoying with suggestions, just be ready when called upon.
5. It’s Little League All Over Again
Remember when your coaches or parents would feed you that repetitive “it’s all about having fun” bullshit ? Yeah, it was actually all about winning, but who knew that your parents and past coaches were, in fact, teaching you how to keep your cool around drugs! That’s just it: Keep your cool and have fun. It may seem like there is a lot of pressure to keep up with your friends who are actually chimneys in disguise, but they aren’t expecting you to be on their level. They just want you—and everyone else—to get high and share a good laugh. Remember it’s not about who smokes the most weed but who has the most fun while smoking it!
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