The recent passing of a federal spending bill that will supposedly end the raucous battle between Uncle Sam and medical marijuana states has conned optimistic pot proponents into believing the drug war is now nothing more than a wounded animal, belly crawling across America to its death. However, while congressional cronies may have bamboozled a legion of patients and dispensaries, those of us with a finger on the jugular of the beast can still sense the bloodthirsty mongrel is eager to violate the hairy hole of the nation in the name of the War on Drugs.
Not only are the snarling dogs of the drug war still lunging at the average citizen from the backyard of the White House, but these mutts have since shape-shifted into full-blown sewer rats, intent on gnawing at the guts of the American public in an effort to track down junkies and dope fiends. It is a science called “sewage epidemiology,” and it has been developed to assist law enforcement with examining the flushing of their communities to measure the concentration of illegal drugs washing through their sewage treatment plants.
“The war on drugs could get a boost with a new method that analyzes sewage to track levels of illicit drug use in local communities in real time. The new study, a first-of-its-kind in the U.S., was published in the ACS journal Environmental Science & Technology and could help law enforcement identify new drug hot spots and monitor whether anti-drug measures are working,” according to a recent statement from the American Chemical Society.
Essentially, the pigs will soon be living up to their full potential as disgusting swine by rooting around in the shit of civil society in hopes of discovering the whereabouts of the drug population. And, yes, while the idea of a police force standing knee deep in a rotten cesspool of excrement may seem like just desserts for those imbecilic blue bullies who have beaten, killed, and sodomized the public in an effort to rid the streets of the stoner nation, it is horrifying that our tax dollars continue to pay for the elimination of individual privacy.
In the past, the-powers-that-be and the powers-that-be-watching have used somewhat reasonable methods to gauge the drug use of the United States population, including surveys, crime data, and reports on drug seizures. However, the latest revelation of police dissecting the nation’s fecal matter in hopes of collecting results that are more accurate provides us with the shocking revelation that there is no end in sight to the drama of the drug war. In fact, once this approach to probing our bowels for secrets from the commode goes mainstream, there is no telling just how deep of shit we will all reside.
It should also be pointed out that funding for “Operation: Sewer Rat” is being provided by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, a federal agency.