20 Taco Bell Foods, Ranked After Smoking 10 Joints

I love Taco Bell, mostly when I’m high which is mostly most of the time. It’s my favorite thing to eat, but even I haven’t experienced the entire menu. At least I hadn’t experienced it, until I threw down on a bunch of pre-rolls from PUFF (my favorite is Balance), dropped $50 on Taco Bell—which buys you a ton of Taco Bell!—and hired professional photographer Joel Flora to capture me at “work.” I thought I knew what Taco Bell menu item would win. I thought I knew myself. I was wrong.

20. Cinnabon Delights

$1.00
Disgusting. I expected to bite into a sugary sweet Cinnabon filled with gooey frosting. Instead, I bit into a lump of dense dough that had soaked up all the icing like a sponge so when I bit into it nothing poured out except my own disappointment.

19. Spicy Tostada

$1.00
Points for being a vegetarian option, but it’s just taco condiments piled on a hard taco shell – lettuce, tomato, cheese, and some top sauce slapped on a smear of beans – that’s lame. If I have a dollar I’m spending it on a soda or a Swisher, not this.

18. Chipotle Chicken Loaded Griller

$1.79
Nope. It tastes like they grilled strips of a yellow rubber chicken instead of a real bird.

17. Spicy Potato Soft Taco

$1.00
It’s fine. Get it if you want. You’ll take a bite, and go, “It’s fine.”

16. Mexican Pizza

$4.19
Now we’re talking! One of the sexiest cheese pulls in the game, but a tad too expensive to crack my Top 15.

15. Cinnamon Twists

$1.00
If Taco Bell teamed up with Costco to sell these in bulk they’d do Black Friday level sales. I usually buy two bags so I can house one on the drive home.

14. Beefy Nacho Griller

$1.00
It’s good, but it’s a Frito Burrito with off-brand chips. That’s like buying a box of cereal called Fortune Trinkets because Lucky Charms is a bit more expensive—you’re gonna wish you got the Lucky Charms.

13. 3 -Layer Nachos

$1.00
The chips are dank: thin, crispy, salty, and honestly I was so inspired I did something I’ve never done before and covered them in a trifecta of hot sauces. It was an excellent move I can’t recommend enough.

TIED 11. Crunchy Taco & Soft Taco

Both $1.49
Reliable, iconic, and delicious. These would be ranked higher, but Taco Bell has some wild concoctions on their menu right now, so this is where these belong.

10. Frito Burrito

$1.79
When Taco Bell retires Frito Burritos they’re gonna wind up in the Hall of Tacos (HOT).
PS: You’re welcome, Taco Bell, I just came up with the name of your Hall of Fame.

9. Cheesy Bean and Rice Burrito

$1.00
Simply the best vegetarian option you can buy on their menu for less than $3.00.

8. XXL Grilled Stuft Burrito

$4.69
If Taco Bell had celebrities this is an A-lister: beef, guac, sour cream, ranch, beans, rice, pico, and cheese! C’mon, that’s the total package like Dua Lipa wrapped in a tortilla.

7. Quesarito

$2.99
It’s a stoners’ two favorite things: A burrito swaddled in a quesadilla. Perfect.

6. Nacho Cheese Dorito Locos Taco

$1.99
Game changer. This OG opened the door for Taco Bell to make so many other ‘foods as taco shells’ like Elvis for say, the Chainsmokers.

5. Caramel Apple Empanada

$1.00
You may be thinking, “What is this doing in the Top Five?”, but this empanada is like a dab—until I tried it I didn’t think it was anything special. Then realized I was wrong.

4. Wild Naked Chicken Chalupa

$3.59
Reminds me of Alice in Resident Evil because this is the next step in Taco Bell’s evolution. I was ready to hate eating a taco shell made from chicken, but it was diabolically good.

3. Double Decker Taco

$2.49
An all-timer. Its munchie-culture legacy is undeniable.

2. Cheesy Gordita Crunch

$3.79
Putting a cheese-filled Gordita around a hard taco is like Mario finding a star. It makes it invincible.

1. Crunchwrap Supreme

$3.99
It’s perfect. Easy to eat on the go, crunchy, creamy, cheesy, spicy, and it looks like a UFO. That’s everything I want when I’m high.