Jon’s Stone-Cold Cop List #41: A Stable & Grounded Collection of Heat

Deep in the throes of summer, here’s another roundup of *some of* the best products on the market. This month featuring CGO, Fu’s Flowers, Snowtill Organics, Parlay, Scumbags and more!
Cop List
Photo by Phil Emerson

Welcome back, friends. If it seems like the whole world is crumbling around you right now, know that you’re not alone. It is. Summer’s in full swing and temperatures are running hot, and that’s not just due to the weather. Or the Hurriquake! Times are just tough, and across the industry I see more OGs struggling right now than ever before. Even worse, opportunists trying to pick off whatever meat is left on your carcass are circling overhead. Things are looking and feeling grim, but remember, it’s always the darkest before dawn. Hopefully the metaphorical Sun will rise again soon… we’ll see. But even if it doesn’t, we’ll adapt. We weren’t born in the sun, and there’s more great weed available now than ever before so… that’s got to count for something. Don’t miss the forest for the trees!

With the last edition some heady boiz were mad at the fact that I used a brand’s marketing to talk about (what they agree to be) a great brand. I’m not going to get into the specifics, but I do want to point out once again that this is a subjective list of things I like – not some investigative piece on the inner workings of each of these guys. I will talk about MORE than just the weed, and I will prioritize those that I think are actually good people, on top of being good at what they do. You may not like my picks, or the reason I chose them. That’s okay! We’re all entitled to our opinions. I appreciate your enthusiasm, but with that said, I’m going to keep writing about what resonates with me. Everything deserves shine sometimes, and serving it is fun – you’re welcome to do the same! Or not, I’m actually happy to argue with you in your comment section, it’s fine. If you want a shortcut, and for the foreseeable future until that platform explodes, it’s much more fun to argue over on Twitter. Hit me there. Without further complaining, here we go: 

Parlay’s Mochi Latti

Courtesy of @Chewberto420

I’ve been putting together a ‘Ones to Watch’ list in the background for the past few months that, while not ready to come out yet, was the original home for my Parlay shoutout. It’s not that anything I’d seen was bad by any means, they were just a new name. I typically like to watch the brand for a bit to see how they progress. Well for a brand that just landed on my radar earlier this year, Parlay has turned up QUICK, with literally every product I’ve seen being better than the last, constantly improving high, flavor, smokability – it’s been impressive to watch. But their latest cultivar, a cross of London Pound Cake and Zkittles, Mochi Latti, is ready for the big time. Released through a collaboration with Backpack Boyz, this sweet, terpy smoke offers the best of both of it’s parents genetics, and sticks on your palate for awhile after you’re done. For the LCG crowd that’s over LCG, this one’s a new taste you’ll love.

Snowtill’s ‘the One’

Photographed by @Ginja.Club

One of the reasons I really fuck with Snowtill (besides his incredible plants) is his seemingly unique ability to disregard the trends and industry bullshit of the moment and focus on facts over hype. When the market’s headed one way, Snow goes the other, usually more thoughtful route, and he’s proved time and time again that the longer and more careful path is better than the quick, cheap, candy gas one. Surprisingly, that hasn’t meant breeding as much as hunting, and the latest plant he showed me is not only one worth screaming about, but the plant itself is actually older than most of us. Crossed over 40 years ago and kept alive through clones, Snowtill’s ‘the One’ is a ’71 Khandahar Afghani crossed to a ’76 Highland Thai that was propagated in the early 80’s, and it’s proof that genetics aren’t necessarily getting better now just because there’s a lot more greatness readily available. The One stands next to any small batch I’ve seen, and gets me so high it’s literally hard to move my hands after. I tried rolling another joint after the first and I just couldn’t do it, my fingers wouldn’t get close enough together – they were stuck on dead mode. The fact that the prices for this magic tops out at around $400 an ounce while other people are charging 3x that for cuts that don’t always get me high, this is in my humble opinion the greatest steal in the game right now.

Gotti

Courtesy of Gotti

Coming in hot from New York, Gotti has officially launched out West, and they’ve come to the cannabis mecca correct. Debuting a slew of Cali-grown cultivars like Zatti, their take on Z, and Seabiscuit, a Deep East bred Zoap x the Y cross that just took home first place at Jimi’s LA Transbay Qualifier and a slew of awards at Zalympix, Gotti is proving that New York knows the game, and is ready to run with the big dogs. Saying this it sounds like they’re a new brand, but they’re just new out here. I actually included them here a few months back – if you’ve been paying attention (!!) – but as the Cali intro went so well, and they’ve already racked two big awards in two quarters, on two coasts?! Seems like a second mention was due. Trust me when I say you’re going to want to pay attention to these guys…

Jesse the Chef x Jelly Wizard’s ‘Meatwads’

Courtesy of Jelly Wizard

I have to take my hat off for a second to shout out Maiya and Jelly for keeping our brother’s name alive the way they have. Weed & Wagyu was always a lifestyle, and while Jesse may be gone, his brand sure isn’t. The Meatwads (Jesse’s 15mg gummies the Wiz has been producing) have long killed it – I personally have rocked many a friend with them due to the delicious and varied flavors and the knockout punch they deliver – but the new facelift? Oh man is it perfect. Utilizing the living room – or main scene – from the cult classic Aqua Teen Hunger Force (which both the product and this list are named in homage to), the illustration captured Jess in such a way that I’m literally framing the bag. It’s perfect. I should also mention Maiya’s been holding down the Banana Pudding game too, and while those aren’t medicated, they’re bangin’, and available regularly at Archie’s in NoHo. Tap in if you’re in town. Weed & Wagyu forever.

Fu’s Flowers

Courtesy of Fu’s Flowers

I’ve been hearing great things about Fu’s Flowers for a minute now, and it’s one of the few New York brands that have gotten consistently good reviews from friends out there, which doesn’t usually happen. We’re picky people. That said, the homies at Higher Empire set me up with some of Fu’s Lemon Ace, and their ZaZul, and both were truly top notch. Offering almost opposite ends of the fruit spectrum with these two varietals, I have nothing but good things to say about either, as both were both delicious smokes, and heavy hitters. I probably lean slightly toward the ZaZul if I had to pick just one, but considering this is true small batch coming out of New York, I’ve got to say, I’m impressed. 

Scumbags

Courtesy of Scumbags

If y’all thought those guys with the manga bags were gross, consider this a trigger warning, because your head’s about to explode. Dropping in hot with controversy, Scumbags have taken the idea of using sex to sell to the highest possible level by dropping bags that literally include pornos adorning their extremely high end chronic. You see, the brand has partnered with several real-deal adult entertainers, and they’re making videos. But not only that, they’re even giving fans the possibly once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to meet the stars in real life through a launch with GOAT Global happening this weekend featuring Kazumi, an adult star with notoriety across platforms. I don’t want to give too much away, but I am comfortable saying it’s likely this event is going to be the craziest rec cannabis event maybe ever. I mean, after all, dispensaries are technically adults-only venues, no? Anything goes?

Epiphany

Courtesy of Epiphany

Another one rising out of New York right now, I’d be remiss if I didn’t shout out the rolls I just smoked from Epiphany. Coming 2 to a pack, and weighing in at a solid 2 grams per bar (though honestly looking as big as a lot of the market’s eighth joints), the function on these was almost as amazing as the flower. I’m not trying to overly praise New York in this one but this was on par with anything I’ve seen out here lately. Filled with an excellent batch of Amarena De Limon, which seems to be making waves across the country right now, it’s no surprise it was a delicious and powerful smoke. In fact, I’ll go so far as to say these were some of my favorites in recent memory, and it’s got me digging into both the brand and the strain, so hopefully this helps you, too. Also shout out to Organitips, they really make all the difference!

Phases Happy Mediums

Courtesy of Phases

As I often say in this column, delivering real value to your customers is today the most important part of surviving the throes of legalization – far more important than looking cool or having celebrity co-signers – and I’ve recently found another brand hyper-focused on that I think you should know about. A sister company to A Golden State, who produces gorgeous high quality buds for retailers’ top shelf, Phases is an effect-focused brand, rather than putting too much weight into cultivar specifics, and their vehicle for those same products that maybe don’t belong in the premium jars for whatever reason. The ‘Happy Mediums’ line, which to the name’s credit is definitely more than a ‘smalls brand’, is value-focused, but it doesn’t sacrifice anything quality-wise. In fact, I actually liked some of the variety I tried for this line better than the big nugs – these somehow seemed more flavorful.

Mills

Courtesy Mills

If you’re a cultivator you might see this name and immediately think to yourself ‘Since when does Jon know anything about nutrients?’. You’re not wrong with that line of thinking (as I am NOT a cultivator), and you’re right, these guys are historically known as a nutrient company – however – I was pleasantly surprised to learn at the last Transbay that the team (at least A.B.) is also cultivating. I guess you can call it proof of concept, because the work they showed us – grown, of course, with their products – were fantastic. That Strawberry Zkittles hash they entered (ran by @hashymelts) into the qualifier was truly something special, with both a sweet flavor and a surprisingly heavy high that calls back to you long after you finish your jar. I’m looking forward to seeing what they enter into the final competition.

CGO’s Hash Hole Island

Photo by Phil Emerson

I didn’t really have any idea what to expect with this one. I’d been to Isleton before, but it hasn’t exactly seemed active. It’s a weed-friendly town, sure, but the way Main Street looks you’d never guess that a short drive away there’s an actual island. Many actually, and last week CGO turned one of them out into  the middle-of-nowhere stoner rager we’ve all been missing. It was BOOMIN’, especially considering it was a Tuesday and easily an hour and a half away from the closest city. That said, CGO recruited hype-worthy brands like Zackwoods, Sourwavez & Heady Heads, and brought performers like Devin the Dude, B-Legit, and the Water Boyz, to formulate what will go down as one of my favorite events of the year. Rumor is they’re coming to LA next… keep an eye out!

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