“A Grower’s Night Before Christmas” or “A Rescue from St. Nicholas”
‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the growroom
Not a plant was still standing; not a bud was in bloom.
The branches were drying, hung out in a line
In hopes that a bankroll soon would be all mine
The trimmers were ready to manicure buds;
But meanwhile did nothing but drink up my suds.
Didn’t matter to me; I still had my stash.
And in just a few weeks I’d be swimming in cash.
Then, at the front door, arose such a clatter,
I stubbed out my joint to see what was the matter.
Away down the hallway I flew like a flash,
Looked out the window and let out a gasp.
What to my wondering eyes did appear,
A drug bust in progress with ten cops in SWAT gear!
They came to the door and pounded away.
It was worse than the cops; they were all DEA!
Now I was panicked; I didn’t want blame
I yelled at the trimmers and called them by name:
“Now, Jeremy! Now, Jason! Now Pedro and Dale!
Get out of here, dudes, or you’re going to jail!
To the back porch! To the top of the wall!
Now dash away! Dash away, dash away all!”
They took off like rabbits, hightailing it fast.
I now worried greatly about saving my ass.
The cops were now breaking the door down with force.
The plants gotta go, I thought with remorse.
I ran to the fireplace to burn up my crop,
When suddenly St. Nicholas dropped down with a plop.
“Holy shit! It’s Santa!” I said with surprise.
I wondered, could St. Nick tell the cops a few lies?
Police were now swarming through the front door
And screaming at me to “Lie down on the floor!”
But Santa winked slyly and settled my head,
And soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, and made not a sound
Just filled up his toy sacks with all of my pounds.
And laying his finger aside of his nose,
And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;
He sprang to his sleigh, taking all of my crop.
Regardless, I’m happy I didn’t get popped.
The cops were all pissed; the evidence was gone.
They couldn’t even bust me for having a bong!
I laughed to myself as they drove out of sight —
“That’s the best present ever on this Christmas night!”
Researchers Launching CBD Study with Former Hockey Players
New Jersey Lawmakers Begin Hearings for Marijuana Legalization
Zimbabwe Authorizes License for First Medical Marijuana Company
The New “Miss Marijuana” Pageant Comes With Outdated Guidelines and Transphobia
Knowledgeable Dabbing: A Guide To Our Favorite Quartz Bangers
First Clinical Trial Of Cannabis For PTSD in Veterans Is Now Complete
Missouri Police Raid Hospital Room of Stage 4 Cancer Patient Using Cannabis
Oklahoma House Passes Medical Cannabis Protection Bill
News3 days ago
Indiana State Trooper Seizes $3.5 Million Worth of Cannabis, Vapes
News3 days ago
Colorado Researchers Seeking Volunteers to Get High and Drive
News4 days ago
Study Finds Medical Marijuana Alleviates Seniors’ Pain, Reduces Opioid Use
News7 days ago
Subjects of Mass Weed Arrest Sue Over Violation of Constitutional Rights
News5 days ago
Survey Shows 25% of Cannabis Users in Legal States Consume at Work
News6 days ago
NJ Governor Announces Vote on Marijuana Legalization This Month
Legalization4 days ago
Breaking: Connecticut Lawmakers Unveil Plan to Legalize Marijuana
Culture6 days ago
What’s In Your Stash? Cannabis Alchemist Warren Bobrow